year of unraveling

year of unraveling




the stranger within
i still don’t know his true name
chasing mirror dreams

can’t live with yourself
but who is the self you hate
you’re trapped with someone

diminished returns
wonderment is a temptress
can’t have it enough

the truth seems hazy
it’s clear i don’t see clearly
will it be this way

looking down on clouds
too high up to see the ground
no bliss without crime

been too long since i’ve spoken
mouth hardly knows how to open
the voices are only static now
fading faintly in and out
just shadows fleeting roundabout
missing what they used to say
maybe they’ll come back someday

someone is driving me down this road
i ask where we’re going now and then
a shake of the head—
mine’s spinning again

the road is long we’ve wandered on
our good times are many but distant
the wheel was never in my hand
how long have i been going nowhere?

winter’s love

warmth in the chilled air
old bells of dublin singing
nothing’s ever wrong

cold without carols
new year rises like the sun
we’ll meet back here soon

heart draped in tinsel
drives in glistening twilights
ghostly sweet twinkling

phantom paradise
only passing through with you
wish we could stay here

a solemn constant
these winter night aesthetics
feelings in full bloom

seasons cannot stay
winter sleeps as i wander
back to the unknown

all roads will lead back
love grows and dies each year
someday ours will last



did dodge a bullet by not making the cut for the soundtrack? on one hand, yes. but then… not good enough for shrek?

i’m trying to eat my icecream but this shitpost of a cat is crawling all over my face trying to get to it first

srsly tho i want my cat to be my best man at my wedding

hands down this is the most important picture i’ve seen all year or maybe in my life

i guess owning a pet possum is sorta dicey. maybe i’ll just lure one into my backyard to eat my trash

i’ll call him “Garbage Man Jim” and he’ll gnash his little teeth at me whenever I wave out the window

me: “How are you, Garbage Man Jim?” jim: *voraciously chewing on an empty Poptarts box*

my cat likes drag himself along the underside of the couch with his claws at top speed like it’s some sort of olympic feat

then he galavants around the house like a spring pony and bites all the other cats ankles. he is a dick but i love him

i guess all my ice cream is gone and i gotta get up in the morning for work so i should go to bed now

but maybe i’ll just tweet about it instead.

3:01am; gets distracted and walks around the house carrying a block of cheese, slowly nibbling at it

tired cardboard

190916//city in the sky

sometimes when my mind is too hard at work i can’t see.. my eyes won’t focus. how vain to think you’re a genius just because you’re sad. but you do, and you’ve known it all along, the same way you felt the impending doom of madness like the glow of fire on the horizon. from a long way off it looks as though you’ve got plenty of time. but it catches up quickly and soon you’re running, running out of breath, out of time.

that wasn’t what this was about though. i forget. speaking with an old friend about purpose and all the usual trite bullshit… why do i bother. because there’s nothing else to do at 4am. i have always been good at babbling out neat little packages of things that only pretend to make sense. i still don’t know why i do it but i’m doing it right now.

on a whim i ask him what the purpose of it all is. how vague. that’s intentional. one thing he says catches my curiosity so i pry further into his reasons for creating his music. without expression there’s no sanity, he says. how many times have i heard that? but i’m beginning to doubt it’s true. there is no sanity no matter what. sanity does not exist. the cycle of creative expression is a never-ending one. ask anyone. our work is never finished. does it keep us sane or does it drive us even more mad? we must keep going on knowing there is no end to this. at best, the steam lets off more quickly than it builds. the illusion of sanity. at its worst, the pressure just keeps building. insanity in a more familiar shape, that. but either way— madness.

i’d rather be dreaming.

last night i dreamed of a gold-gilded city in the sky where nothing ever went wrong. a prince who ran away to have an adventure. the king and queen weren’t worried because they knew he would return when he was finished exploring their beautiful world. he never made it home because i woke up. all i could remember at first were colorful creatures swimming in crystal pools at the edge of a pond, amber sunlight all around, fatherly laughter somewhere not far off, and a sense of otherworldly peace that i’ve seldom seen but only ever in dreams.

vacation 2k16



it’s COLLAB TIME with neck jensen and voon doon

a 7 day binge


8/1/16: narcs at soundcloud took it down. download link.